Topic: The Anti-Leet Manifesto
THE ANTI-LEET MANIFESTO
Over the years, I have had to put up with people in chatrooms, posters on message boards, people on instant messengers, even people at my school, using 1337 in their everyday lives. It is permeating every branch of society. It is giving our great American nation (and every other nation with 31337ists) a bad name. I have put up with it long enough, and now it's time to take a stand. Someone must bring the horrors of 1337 and 31337ists to light. That someone is me.
What is 1337
If you don't know what 1337 (pronounced 'leet') is, you are a very lucky person indeed. I recommend leaving now, so as not to be scarred for life by the terrible knowledge of the horror that is 1337. But if you won't listen to my rational advice, I guess the story must be told. You have been warned.
Basic principles of 1337
1337 is a subset of the English language, used by people called 31337ists (pronounced elitists.) The most basic idea of 1337 is that people are cool if they use garbled, unintelligible language online as much as possible. They may think, in their delusional minds, that they are "k00l," but the rest of us know that they are wrong. People seem to think that the more obfuscated their 1337 is, the "k00ler" they become. This is achieved in a number of different ways. Those ways are listed below:
Using numbers for letters
This is by far the most common, but certainly not the only, manifestation of the disgusting mockery of a language that is 1337. This is in fact how the completely normal word "elite" got turned into the name of the language itself. If you look closely enough, you will notice that the 1 looks like an l, the 3's look like e's, and the 7 looks like a T. Other common examples of number transposition in 1337 are using 4 (or, less commonly, @) for A, |2 for R, 5 for S, 6 for B or G, and 0 for O.
The obvious problem with this is its ambiguity. If I write 600613, how do you know if I am saying "Google" or "Boobie"? Saying "Boobie" when you mean "Google" could get you into trouble, depending on what company you are among.
1337 has an even bigger problem, and that is its unintelligibility. More on that later.
This is, in my mind, the worst form of 1337 known to man. Many 1337 "purists" do not do this, saying that it is only used by 12-year-old posers. This logic falls through when we consider the fact that most 31337ists are 12-year-old posers, therefore this abomination does get a lot of exposure. Abbreviating words produces this kind of formation:
ru go1ng 2 7h3 str 2moro??!?!!111!
Are you going to the store tomorrow?
Can you see yet why I hate this nonsense? The worst part is that kids think they're k00l 1337 h4x0rz when they do this kind of thing, while we sane people look upon them with a strange combination of remorse and disgust.
Misspelling words on purpose
Remember when I said that abbreviation of words is the worst type of 1337? I lied. I lied because at the time, my mind was blocking the most horrible thing of all. And that is, you guessed it, misspelling words on purpose. Yes, you heard me, these 31337ists are out there misspelling words on purpose. On purpose! Behold, a common 1337 phrase:
I t0ta11y h4x0r3d your b0x yesterday!!!!11!!1!1!!1!!!111!1
As you can see, "hacked" is spelled "h4x0r3d". Why do they do this to me? Misspelling words intentionally further contributes to the obfuscated and unreadably nonsensical garbage that is 1337. And oh, by the way, h4x0r3d is a fairly common word in the 31337ist's lexicon. I'm not making this stuff up.
And finally, on to a new L3 heading:
Common 1337 words
Here I will provide a list of very common 1337 words for you to avoid and fear.
Hacker, as in one who hacks, or the verb "hack"
Note: This is always used in the "cracking" sense, it never means someone who is skilled at programming and using computers.
A stupid new user who refuses to read FAQs, manuals, or search the forum, expecting everyone else to fix his or her problems, thus angering everyone else in the community. Not to be confused with "newb"
fear, to fear
If you are the type of person who uses this type of garbage (except for n00b, that has entered common usage) then please stop immediately. 1337 is for idiots and cowards who don't know that they are harming the sanity of millions of people across the globe. Do you really want it on your conscience that you drove millions of people insane? We're talking rubber room insane.
A Consise History of 1337
In the beginning, there was USENET. USENET was great. But then a problem started happening. Hackers started using USENET to talk about hacking. Then, the moderators of some boards began filtering out words such as hack, hacker, hacking, etc. What were the hackers to do? They did what hackers always do. They beat the system.
Using words like h4x0r instead of hacker was a good idea back then, allowing hackers to get past silly restrictions on their newsgroups. What 1337 has become, however, in no way resembles its original purpose. This is because of a horrible phenomenon:
The Attack of the 12-year-olds
Yes, that's right. The attack of the twelve year olds. The invasion of runescape-playing wannabe script kiddies. You know who they are. They know who they are. I have nothing against 12-year-olds in general, but they need to realize one thing: they are not cool. Using an artifact of 80s hacker subculture will not make them cool. It may make them seem cool to their friends on Runescape (and Neopets, etc.) but that is just a twisted and unreal psychotic alternate reality anyway. These people are not a hazard when confined to their own territory. But they leave the kiddie games. They hunt us down. They annoy us with every word they utter.
It would almost (notice the word almost) be acceptable if these kids just used old-skool numbers-for-letters 1337. But they don't. These people have made 1337 grow. They have decided that disregarding all sane rules of grammar, spelling and usage in English (or any other language for that matter) makes them "cool". It doesn't. Enough said.
0.8d - 1:786 - Pryde of Ironhold - Rank 25
A man by the name of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, "It is always better to say right out what you think without trying to prove anything much: for all of our proofs are only variations of our opinions, and the contrary-minded listen neither to one nor the other."